Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
