party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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