I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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