mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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