wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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