omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
