I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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