Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
