Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
