The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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