I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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