I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
