So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
