Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
