I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
