My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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