i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
