i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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