Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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