he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
