You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
