this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
