My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
