I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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