she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
