if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
