Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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