Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
