I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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