i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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