Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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