i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
