super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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