Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
