I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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