So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
