I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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