the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
