do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
