I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
