i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
