i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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