Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
