so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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