Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
