We're like a lot better than the average bears
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
