I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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