i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
