dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
