Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Where is the hickey?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
