when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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