I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
