i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Even my vagina gasped.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
