Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
